So two weeks ago, Jose Canseco (a man whome I”ve no idea why i’m still friends with) comes up to me and ask to borrow 4000 bucks wih the promise to repay me 5000 by November 20th.  Tells me the IRS froze his accounts and he just needs spending cash for the next month and a half until his fight where he’ll get 40k and pay me back with interest after.  25% is a great return and I’m in a good situation, so I lend him the dough. Then he’s so happy that he found a sucker to spot him so much, he decides to throw another curve ball my way.

“Erik, every year I get invited to the Playboy Mansion and get to bring however many people I want.  Let’s get a limo, fill it up with paying passengers, and make some extra cash.”

Its another hustle, and not a bad one.  And that sounds like it’ll be way fun.  So I accept that task too.  Getting passengers turns out not to be that hard at all.  I put an add out on craigslist, and an auction on Ebay.  And the responses come rolling in at first slowly, then faster and faster.

The first ticket I sale is to a poker buddy actually.  A film maker named Tony who reminds me of a long haired and bearded Tom Cruise, or at least thats what I think his costume was.  He’s always smiling and just being outright positive.  Since he plays poker with me I sale him a ticket for only $400.

The second ticket goes to a guy named David visiting from New York for the week to participate in a charity boxing tournament with The Kardashians.  He’s a little squeeky kinda nerdy guy, but very nice.  He’s fighting Courtneys boyfried that knocked her up Kevin Federline style doing a sneaky sneaky. This guys no fighter, just volunteered for the part and got it.  He heard about the tickets on Ebay and emailed me.  Was able to sale him one for $600.  He dressed up as a gangsta Teletubi.

The next ticket went to Doctor Brad.  He was a huge Canseco fan and literally left patients in his emergency room walk in clinic to drive out from Pasadena to hand deliver me $1000 cash on the spot.  He was a quiet Indiana Jones for the evening.

The last two guys were both 23 year old friends from Australia with thick accents that had their entire hearts set on going to the Playboy mansion before they died.  It was easy to get them confused, being as both their names were Dean and Dean.  They dressed up as Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble. I got $1300 for both of them.

Every Friday night i host a cash game at Jose’s house, and get celebs to show up and play.  It’s a great run game, 2-3 no limit 200 to 500 buyin, and a 300 to 1500 5-10 no limit table.  Getting players to Jose’s house is never hard. All Jose has to do is being nice, say hello and hang out for a bit, and not play and make money for being famous.  But noooooo.  All Jose does is gamble, lose his money, and then complain the next day that his part of the rake isn’t enough in what feels like a drunken girlfriend texting me all her problems.  I completely work my ass off, getting the players, making sure the money, caterer, dealers, and masseauses are taken care of.  Set up and tear down everything.  I get 50% for this.  Jose is, as you can imagine, very selfish and greedy.  To him 800 bucks in a night isn’t alot of money, especially since he’s losing about 900 by playing. But it’s great money for me.  So I put up with all the bull and just trug along.

Well Friday comes for our game, and i give Jose the 3300 from the tickets.  We agreed on me getting 30 percent of the sales.  He says he has some bills and will give me my cut (which is 990) after the Halloween Party.  I shake my head at that idea, because I already know what’s coming.  But I accept because I’m too nice to say anything and I just give people the benefit of the doubt again and again.  I’m basically a sucker.  Basically.

Jose ends up losing about 1100 at the Cash game.  His part of the rake is only 721.  So he dips into the tickets fund 380 roughly.  The guy cant stop gambling, and he’s not good at it at all.  Whatever, that’s nothing new.

Saturday (Halloween) rolls around, i’m told to have the Limo meet us at the house at 9:30pm.  I have all the guest meet us at 9pm.  Everythings fine, Jose’s taking photo’s and playing good host and whatnot.   We all cram into the Limo and set off for adventure. When we get to the Mansion, we’re met with literally hundreds of half naked girls standing outside of the Playboy Mansion gates trying to get in.  The driver gets out and is told that noone else is allowed to get in because the Fire Marshall is threatening to shut them down.  There are 100’s of angry people standing outside holding thousand dollar tickets being denied entry.  Jose is no exception, and his guy with the hook up has his phone turned off.  We were definitly not alone though.  I watched Jamie Fox, Dennis Quad, Cory Feldman, Mike Myers, and an army of celebs get turned away while we stood outside and waited for a miracle to happen.  We tried for about an hour at the front and backgates, and nothing was happening.

So I took over and tried to salvage the night. I had everyone gather back in the limo and had the driver take us to Boulevard 3 on Sunset and Wilcox.  I have a bunch of friends that work security there, and they took care of us.  Let us in for free, gave us free drinks, and were about to hook us up with a table and bottle, when Canseco’s girl for the evening was just being an annoying bitch.  Complained the entire night, and went out of her way to ruin any and all fun that could have been had, by just continuously nonstop bitching. She wanted to leave and Canseco wanted to go with her, so we were in an out after only 40 minutes.

While waiting for the limo, I told Canseco that we’re gonna give the paying guest their money back but 100 dollars each.  That way at least the limo’s paid for.   He told me, “That ain’t fucken happening.  That their money has already been spent.  If they want their money back, I’ll fucken leave their asses here instead of trying to entertain their asses.  What are they gonna do sue us?”

Unbelievable.

I told Canseco, “I’m gonna pay them back” Canseco said “No, you’re not.”  I told him “Yes I am.  I dont have it in me to fuck anyone over.”

I was very dissapointed in him.  I just cant fathom how anyone can do that.  These guys all came to hang out with Jose who was being a little bitch, and go to the playboy mansion.  They all took it very well and understood that shit happens, but now he was trying to keep their money, and I wasn’t gonna be apart of that.  I had the Limo driver stop by my house so I could pick up cash first, and then went to Jose’s house to drop everyone off.  Jose jumped out of the Limo and walked into the house and into his bedroom and closed the door.  I paid everyone back and just laughed it off.  I was actually greatful that they were willing to contribute towards the limo, which Canseco was supposed to take care of. That was supposed to be part of the package deal.  Can only shake my head and laugh. I go from lending Canseco 4k to get 5k to being out 7300.  Just another typical bad beat.  That’s normal.   At least I can sleep clear at night.

3 Comments on "Erik Aude-5k for the karma"

Erik Aude-5k for the karma | The Poker Donk on Mon, 2nd Nov 2009 7:52 pm 

[...] admin wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptIt’s a great run game, 2-3 no limit 200 to 500 buyin, and a 300 to 1500 5-10 no limit table. Getting players to Jose’s house is never hard. All Jose has to do is being nice, say hello and hang out for a bit, and not play and make money … [...]

Shadow on Sat, 9th Jan 2010 5:54 pm 

…

Норм …

Anton on Sun, 13th Jun 2010 4:35 pm 

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