After sitting in the room for however long.  Maybe 40 minutes.  Hour.  Not sure.  I heard an American voice.  “Erik aww dooo”  I shouted back, “How do you know my name?”  “It’s on your passport.”  I wasn’t sure who it was, so I asked questions.  Keep in mind i was still under the assumption that I was gonna be hung in a few hours.  “What State are you from?”  “Texas”  Everyone knows Texas.  That dude Bush is from Texas.  So I asked “Whose your favorite football team?”  “Cowboys.” “Dallas? They suck.”  “You want to come out here and talk to us?”  “They said they’re gonna hang me.” “They were kidding.”    How the fuck can you kid with someone about something like that?  I looked like a complete asshole now.

So I moved the desk and opened the door.  The room was filled with Pakistani cops.  They were pissed.  They secured me if you want to call it that.  The Pakistanis went overboard in grabbing me. Little people.  3 on each arm. The DEA agents (3 of them in all) told me not to run, which was a joke.  Where the fuck was I gonna go.

As the guards lead me across the airport, we passed the luggage where the drugs came out of, only now it had all my clothing, and belongings from my other luggage in it.  They took photo’s of me in front of it for the newspapers.  Being the smartass I was, I posed for pictures.  Fuck it,  If I’m gonna die, I’m gonna have some fun.  I figure I’d give a jest to the crowd, flip the nooseman a nickel and go down with both thumbs up. I could’ve gotten away, but where was I gonna go?

I was also under the illusion that the truth would come out, and everything would work itself out.  I was taken to another office, and the DEA agents were let in there with me, with only 1 Pakistani guy.  It was obviously his office.  He just sat at his desk and watched.  The Agents weren’t there to help me.  They were there to talk shit and try to scare me.  They told me that I didn’t have to talk to them, but it would probably help my cause if I did.  I told them what I was doing there, how I met my friend that I started working for.  What I believed I was being used to do.  They didn’t buy a word.

Everytime I got through half an answer to one of their questions, another agent would try to ask me a question, I’d be half way through the answer to his question, when another one would ask me another question, and another.  They were trying to catch me in a lie, and i realized they were just fucking with me, and not believing a word I was saying.  This just started pissing me off, and I realized pretty quick that they were just being assholes.  So I became Aude’ again.  Smartass.

I didn’t care about me.  I did care about the bastard that set me up, and the others that were making these trips.  I told them straight up. “Look, I know I’m fucked.  But just in case I’m telling the truth, there are others making these trips.  At least give me the benefit of the doubt, check out the information I gave you, and warn the others.”  They didn’t listen to a word I said.  They wanted to know my contacts in Pakistan.  Wanted to know how long I’ve been a drug smuggler.  Who my drug contacts were.  How long I’ve been using.

Where I realized they were completely full of shit was when one of the dickheads told me that if I’m not given the death penalty here in Pakistan, then after I get out, if I get out, I”ll be looking at 20 years in an American prison.  I laughed at him.  Threw in his face a movie called Double Jeopardy.  Cant be charged twice for the same crime. Especially when it’s out of their jurisdiction.  Hollywood taught me something.  Told the guys they were a bunch of fucking assholes and to blow me.  Now they laughed. Let me know that I may of thought I was a tough guy now.  But that I was gonna soon realize just how weak I really was.

They opened the door to leave, and before the last Agent left, he looked at me and said, “He’s all yours.”  I blacked out shortly after the rifle hit me in the head.  I would be tortured for the next 3 days for information I didn’t have.  I would be hung up like a punching bag and used as one.  Drowned, electrocuted, and have the bottom of my feet beaten for the entire day. Was not fed the entire time.  The embassy would send people to come see me and make sure I wasn’t being treated any different than anyone else, but that didn’t mean a whole lot.  Because the way Pakistan works, they figure if you’re not gonna tell them the truth, they can beat it out of you.

I knew my mom was worried as hell, and I knew the Embassy couldn’t do anything anyways.  So I kept my mouth shut, and I took it.  And I said nothing.  On the last day, they just wanted me to admit the drugs were mine.  When the day was finally over. I was dragged out of that room a complete mess.  Not able to walk out on my own strength.  But I admitted nothing.  A week before, I was filming an MTV television show called “The Andy Dick Show”.   This week i was in Pakistan getting tortured for a crime I didn’t commit.

Life is fucking Hillarious.

Related posts:

1. My luck sucked in the Aussie millions
2. Erik Aude- It wasn’t about the money. It was about the principle….

Tagged with: Erik Aude, Erik Aude Poker, Erik Aude Poker Blog

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